Kaboom!
by ZaCloud
Summary: Rurouni Kenshin meets Gundam Wing... We all know that GW contains uneccessary explosions! Sugar/caffeine-induced fun from the author of Toilet Weasel!


Guess who's back... Back again... Sonja's back... Tell a friend...  
  
Sonja's back, Sonja's back, Have a snack, Smoke some crack, Muffin's black, I like Brak, And Zorak, ...You get the idea. ^_^  
  
Yes, I've returned after a very long absence. I won't go into my excuses, let's just say personal problems, family issues, and beginning college can really get to ya. But to those of you who have wanted to see me contribute more to Fanfiction.net, here I am to do just that. I'm glad I'm back, and I hope you are too. Now, prepare for insane craziness!!!!  
  
*** Disclaimer: I don't own Kenshin. I didn't make him up, or anyone else in his story. Watsuki-sensei did, and boy is he a genius! But he sure didn't write this story, cuz you can tell it was not written by a genius. See the difference? Good. ^_^ *************************************  
  
It finally happened.  
  
In the blink of an eye.  
  
The Akabeko had exploded.  
  
The building simply blew up, and puffs of smoke and little chibi people went flying everywhere.  
  
"It's all your fault, Sanosuke!" Kaoru screamed at the street-fighter, pointing an accusing finger at him, "Your debt there was so huge that the restaurant couldn't contain it anymore!!!"  
  
"I didn't know!" Sano wailed, "I didn't know it would blow up so easily!"  
  
"Please do not be so harsh, Kaoru-dono," Kenshin interjected, "I too have noticed things are exploding more easily than usual, that I have."  
  
"Any idea why?" Yahiko asked.  
  
Kenshin grew grim. "Well, I have heard rumors of a Gundam being sighted near Kyoto."  
  
Everyone gasped.  
  
"A Gundam?!" Sanosuke exclaimed, "Here?! No way!!!"  
  
Kaoru looked frightened. "Nooo! Not a Gundam!"  
  
There was silence for a moment.... Then...  
  
Both: "What's a Gundam??"  
  
Kenshin fell over.  
  
***  
  
A large... something... stomped through the city, destroying buildings and squishing things.  
  
"Oh no!" a man cried out in a cheesy Japanese accent, "Eet ees Godzirra, we must flree da cityyy!"  
  
"A Gundam!" another man corrected in terror, "It's a GUNDAM!!!!"  
  
The Gundam shot a car. It blew up. The Gundam shot a building. It blew up. The Gundam shot a rock wall. It blew up.  
  
Heero Yui drew his pistol from where he stood on the ground amidst the fleeing people and shot at the Gundam.  
  
It blew up.  
  
"Mission complete," he said in a monotone.  
  
"Not quite, Heero," Duo said with a smirk as he walked up to him, "Sure, we got rid o' that rogue Gundam, but we still gotta get ours out of here. You know that with Gundams around, things just tend to blow up."  
  
"Hn." Heero answered, looking around. Then he looked at Duo. "Where are they?"  
  
The braided boy scratched his head. "Uh... oh, they're gone, aren't they?"  
  
"I must destroy them," Heero mechanically stated, stalking off with his gun drawn.  
  
Duo freaked out and chased after him. "Hey! Hey!" he exclaimed, "You don't have to destroy EVERYTHING!! Wait up!"  
  
***  
  
Kenshin's eyes were narrowed as he drew his sword. He was outside, in a field, the wind blowing his hair in red waves as he stood in a ready stance, his reverse-blade sword glinting in the sunlight. Then he struck out suddenly at a rock in front of him, aiming to crack it with the force of his swing.  
  
IT BLEW UP!!!  
  
"ORO?!?!" he squealed as his chibi form was thrown through the air, arms flopping uselessly.  
  
***  
  
Sano walked down the street, humming around the fishbone in his mouth, proudly displaying the "Badass" symbol on his back. He figured he'd had enough fishy flavor for now, though, so he pulled the bone from his mouth and tossed it at a wastebasket. He hit the rim...  
  
AND IT BLEW UP!!!  
  
O_O  
  
***  
  
"Alright, Yahiko," Kaoru commanded in the dojo, her wooden sword ready, "Show me what you've got!"  
  
He charged at her, and their swords collided... *KABOOM!!!*  
  
They both slammed into opposite walls, eyes swirling.  
  
***  
  
Megumi stood before her patient, a grumpy, angry man who sat on the examination table.  
  
"Get my stupid checkup over with, lady," he snarled, "I wanna get back to being a legalized thief!"  
  
"You're a lawyer, huh?"  
  
"You got it!"  
  
She sighed. "Well, relax your leg; I'll check your reflexes with this little hammer..."  
  
*KABOOM!!!!*  
  
She stood, blackened with her hair standing on end, blinking at a now empty, charred bed, only a short bit of handle left in her hand.  
  
***  
  
The Kenshin-gumi were sitting around the table at Kaoru's house, all bandaged and charred.  
  
"What's going on with all these explosions?!" Sanosuke demanded, "First there was the wastebasket, and then there were the dice I tossed when I was gambling with my friends!"  
  
"Whatever is going on," Kaoru announced with a snarl, "I've had ENOUGH of it!!!" She slammed her fist down on the table.  
  
*KAAABBBBOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!*  
  
Everyone was cratered into the walls again, SD and swirly-eyed.  
  
***  
  
A bird pooped on a car.  
  
*KABOOM!!!*  
  
***  
  
Heero Yui threw a chair at a soldier. The man ducked just in time, as the chair hit the wall above him and exploded.  
  
Heero was unphased by this; it happened all the time to him. "What did you do with the Gundams?" he demanded.  
  
"Lord Shishio said they'd be useful in destroying the government," the man whimpered.  
  
"You're a Generic Gundam Wing soldier," Duo pointed out, "You don't work for Shisio."  
  
The man blinked as he realized that. "Oh yeah... You're right. I guess this is the part where I blow up, huh?"  
  
"Yup," Heero stated, flicking a paper wad at him. *BOOM!*  
  
"Now," Duo said, "Let's find this Lord Shishio guy and get our Gundams back."  
  
***  
  
The Kenshin-gumi were walking westard to Kyoto.  
  
"How do you know where the source of this trouble is?" Kaoru asked Kenshin.  
  
"Well," he answered, "We are obviously in a cross-over fanfiction induced by sugar and caffeine, that we are. And so, I converted everything to text format and scrolled up, that I did."  
  
"Wow," Yahiko exclaimed, "The Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu is cooler than I thought!"  
  
Kenshin's eyes suddenly glowed yellow, and he sported fangs. A horrific wind blew as the sky darkened and thunder and lightning flashed in the sky. In a terrifying, contorted, roaring voice, booming and reverberating with an echo, the Battousai commanded "THOU SHALT NOT DESIRE TO LEARN THE ART OF A KILLER!!!!!!!"  
  
"Eep! Ok ok I'll stick with Kamiya Kasshin!!!!" Yahiko squeaked, peeking from behind the rock he and everyone else had hidden behind.  
  
Everything went calm again and Kenshin smiled all sweet and innocent, a happy sunshine behind him. "Very good, Yahiko, you will be good at protecting people, that you will." And he skipped on his chibi little way, everyone else following from an apprehensive distance.  
  
***  
  
Heero and Duo opened the door to the inn, and saw Shishio sitting with his chick and that ever-smiling creepyboy.  
  
"Mummies alive!" exclaimed Duo, "So you're Shishio?!"  
  
"Yes," the wrapped figure acknowledged. He stood menacingly, eyes glaring down at the two young men before him. They all stood silently, glaring at one another.  
  
Finally, Shishio spoke once more.  
  
"Do these wrappings make me look fat?" He posed a few times for them.  
  
o_o() o_o()  
  
There was a knock on the back door. Followed, of course, by an explosion. Shishio, his peeps, and the Gundam boys turned to see a once again charred, chibi Kenshin-gumi blinking through the smoke. Then they shook themselves clean and jumped in, taking Charlie's Angels-type poses with a fire still burning in the background.  
  
"Give them back their Gundams, you fiend!" Kaoru proclaimed, pointing at Shishio.  
  
"Oh, master," the ever-smiling creepyboy said happily, "She called you a fiend!"  
  
"Add an 'r' and it says 'friend'!," the wrapped man proclaimed, "Give me a hug!"  
  
"Eeeew!" Kaoru squealed, backing away, "No way!"  
  
"But I want nothing but love and peace," he answered, "That's why I want to destroy the government, so the world can be in harmony! Once they are destroyed, I'll give back the Gundams! .... Besides, I'm nice to hug. I only wrap myself in new Charmin Ultra toilet-paper, the soft quilted variety! It's extra soft and soothing!"  
  
"Toilet... paper..." Duo muttered, eyes glazed.  
  
Heero smacked him on the head and he blinked back into focus.  
  
"Ah, thanks," the braided boy said, "I was having a flashback to 'Toilet Weasel' again."  
  
"Innocent objects and people are exploding," Kenshin pointed out, "There is no peace in that. Besides, (Insert long, emotional, and meaningful speech here). And so, that is why you should give back the Gundams and leave the government alone, that you should."  
  
Shishio was moved to tears, and he unwrapped part of his arm and used the toilet paper to blow his nose and wipe his eyes. "That was so touching," he said, "Even smiley-boy is crying."  
  
Indeed, the ever-smiling creepyboy had tears going down his cheeks, and the woman was wiping her face on Shishio's shoulder.  
  
Even Heero was crying, and Duo was hugging him and patting his back awkwardly. "Uh, calm down big guy... It's ooookay..."  
  
Then, a Random Monkey slipped on a bannanna peel and fell over. *KABOOM!*  
  
"Oh, that Random Monkey!" Kenshin said, "You never know WHAT he'll do next!"  
  
And everybody laughed.  
  
Then, the screen froze and showed close-ups of each of the characters as they are mentioned, still in their laughing poses, as the suddenly present Narrator spoke:  
  
"And so, Shishio gave the Gundams back to their rightful owners, and went on to star in commercials for Charmin Ultra toilet paper, making them the most successful sanitary tissue company in the world. Heero eventually stopped crying and was his cold, calculating self again, though he never did kill Relena. Duo continued to be a fun, sarcastic character, although he still suffers from occasional flashbacks of his previous fanfiction, and has said in an interview that he wishes people would stop yaoi-pairing him with Heero; it makes him want to puke.  
  
"Kenshin and Kaoru eventually married, and had 47 kids. Yahiko grew up to become an expert in Kamiya Kasshin swordplay, becoming an advocate in ending Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu to the point of obsession. Megumi eventually moved to the American frontier, where she bleached her hair to a lighter shade and became known as 'Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman'.  
  
"Sanosuke had to start eating at another restaurant, called the Ekobaka. They say his debt is still rising...."  
  
THE END 


End file.
